Everybody Loves Faith
by mdc
Summary: Don't read this if you're serious. Cuz I'm not. Not really... ...Or AM I?
1. Oreos

Tis a sunny day in... you know... the place where Buffy lives.

It's a sunny day in Sunnydale!! Giggle. ...Sorry. Couldn't help myself.

So yeah, the sun is shining and the poor old ignorant shmucks are walking around town, buying the stuff they think they need to buy or else they'd be sent to hell.

Like Spitney Beer dolls or Oreo's or something.

Scratch that.

Buy Oreo's or you WILL go to hell.

...Exact opposite for the Spitney dolls.

Anyways... So the old shmucks are buying stuff. Ooh! Or at work. Cuz old shmucks work. And they're all unaware that they're already IN hell!

Consumer hell!

And yeah, the hellmouth.

The young shmucks are walking around in the school halls. All very normal stuff in a seemingly normal town.

I say seemingly because this town is not normal at all. Oh, no.

This town...

Unlike others...

Only has ONE Starbucks!

And a hellmouth.

And the hotness of Faith.

So obviously, it's a freaky town. ...

Well not obviously, cuz I just said it was seemingly normal.

But if you look hard enough, you'd see the abnormalities.

Like the hotness of the leather-clad brunette strutting around.

And yeah, yeah

The vampires and demons and basically evil stuff.

Okay, I'm not getting anywhere.

Recap:

sunny day in Sunnydale....giggle

old shmucks, young shmucks

hotness of Faith

You with me so far?

So we got Faith. She's walking down the street.

Real casual but at the same time so very very hot.

And cool.

And when you see her all kindsa contradicting odes fly through your unworthy head.

All you know is that the girl you just saw walking by is not like YOU or ANYONE else you have EVER seen in your shmuck-like life.

So, subconsciously or not, for the next few blocks, you walk in a strange daze.

You have just seen Faith. In the flesh. Interpret that as you will.

...

I'm thinking I should really get the story started now. I'm not promising anything but I'll try not to get side-tracked anymore.

She's walking in that way only she can, towards Sunnydale High.

Or, in her own words, Sunnyhell High.

See? She's witty too.

She's late for a Scooby meeting.

Because in MY world, the Scoobs aren't complete morons and they actually TELL her about these things.

She smirks as she thinks about Buffy. Oh yeah, she likes B.

She knows she shouldn't like her. It would totally kill her rep.

I mean sure, it's okay for Faith to 'bang' her or whatever.

But actually like Buffy Summers? Not in Faith's world.

She blames the weather for her strange behavior.

Goddamn sun. The world's gone to the shitter and it just keeps on shining like it's got nothing to do with it.

Damn you, you obese star, you!

As the library doors fly open, the music climaxes and there's a sudden gust of wind to give the most beautiful girl in the world a fitting entrance.

Tadaa!

Naturally, everyone in the room stops what they're doing so they can admire her beauty and perhaps compliment her rather successful dramatic entrance.

Shit.

There's no one IN the damn library for sobbing out loud.

... Or is there?

Dun dun DUN!!!

Cue Nerf Herder and the credits.

Starring: Eliza Dushku! Woohoo!!!

...And the others.

Woot.

"Whew...Strange weather we've been having." A voice says.

Faith looks to her right, surprised.

"Giles! I didn't see you there. ...In the far right corner you're currently standing in. ... For dramatic purposes."

The watcher nervously smiles and shoots me an annoyed glance for making him look lurky and weird because I suck at writing.

"Why yes, I suppose that's obvious by the way you seemed... surprised and all." He coughs uncomfortably and walks towards the radio.

He turns off the freaky climatic music and note that he has NOT yet taken off his glasses to clean them.

"Right. Well where are the Slayerettes?" Faith asks.

More uncomfortable coughing is heard from the dark shadowy corner and Buffy, Willow and Xander step out from the shadows.

"Woah! I didn't see you guys in said corner either. I must not be a good slayer if I let myself get surprised so often."

The group gasps in shock at Faith's exclamation.

"Gasp!" Buffy... gasps. "That's impossible! You're probably just under an evil spell or something."

The coolest girl I ever did see (Faith), sits down, a worried frown upon her adorable face.

"I dunno, B... I'm just second-best anyway..."

Another gasp erupts from the others and Buffy crouches in front of Faith.

"Don't ever say that Faith! We're the chosen two, remember? You are not second best. You're the hottest girl I know and I love you but I'll never say that because I'm in denial and scared of rejection! But don't ever think you're not good enough! Because, even though your insecurities give you depth and make you look so impossible cute, it's not good for you!" The small blonde intently looks at Faith, desperately trying to convey the truth behind her words through her eyes.

Slowly, a small smile forms on Faiths lips and Buffy pulls her in a little too friendly hug.

"She's totally right, Faith." Willow nods. "It's a spell or something. We'll work on it right now."

"Hear, hear!" Xander exclaims as he sits down in research-position.

"Thanks, guys." Faith says. "Shit, if you were all assholes and didn't give me the support I so obviously need, I'd probably end up doing stupid crap as a cry for help and end up in jail or something."

... A silence comes over the library.

And then the gang burst out laughing at the silly notion of being assholes towards Faith.

Yes.

You heard me.

Assholes.


	2. Spaghetti

**Author's Note: Yeah, I didn't think I'd be doing a sequel on this. And really it's worth shit. But hey, it was just for fun anyways. Oh, most people prolly won't get this fic. It's got a little... Er... How do I say this? ...Dshbconfnal... Er... Yeah. Just... Um... So I'm an idiot. Whatever. **

Faith, somehow making the simple gesture look magical, raises an eyebrow at Willow.

"Er... Red? Aren't ya supposed to be usin'... I dunno... Eye of Newt or... Snake's Blood or somethin'?" She questioned.

The Scooby gang are currently sitting in a circle, holding hands. No, don't worry, they're not naked. ... Although really... I could put up with a naked Giles as long as there was a naked Faith somewhere in there. ... But then again, no one really deserves to see naked Faith. They are all unworthy bastards. So ok, luckily they're not naked. Just sittin' in a circle holding hands.

Because after the whole 'Faith not sensing the presence of the gang'-thing, they all kinda figured it's gotta be an evil spell. So now Willow, wicca extraordinaire, is checking it out. Weird thing is though, she's mixing all kinds of stuff in a pot... And it smells like spaghetti. ... Hmm...

"Oh. Yeah... Er... thasmth..." Willow mumbles incoherently. Except the 'oh' and the 'yeah' and the- you get the damn point.

"Sorry, what'd you say, Will?" Xander asks innocently. Poor, poor Xander. Does he not see that obviously Willow is trying to hide some embarassing fact? ... You know, I'm not sure if it's really _that _obvious. It's obvious to me cuz... Well, yeah, I'm writing this annoying little fic. But... Er. Ok, moving on now.

"I said..." She sighs. "I said that's a myth."

Shocking! The gang doesn't quite gasp in shock, but they all raise their eyebrows. That's a sign of shock. ...Right? Fine, you got me. I just wanted to see Faith raise her eyebrow again. Sue me.

"Come again?" Asks Buffy.

"Well... See... The whole weird ingredients thing... It's not true. They just want people to believe it so that no one stupid and dangerous would actually do it." Answers Willow.

Er... Excuse me?

"So it's preferable that dangerous _smart_ people do magic?" Faith exclaims. "That's fucked up."

That's my girl. Anyway, ignoring the huge holes in this ridiculous theory, they all accept it as truth and get on with the spaghetti spell.

...And... I'm gonna skip the whole ritual cuz then I'd have to pretend to know Latin and... I don't wanna.

A few hours later...

"Well?" Faith asks.

They all look expectantly at the young wiccan.

"Definitely a spell." Willow says proudly.

"Well DUH!" Buffy rolls her eyes. Like Faith could ever not be a kick-ass slayer.

"Erm... Yeah. Duh. But apparently... Whoever did the spell is now.. Well... At Spike's place."

Uh-oh. This is not good news for Spikey now is it? Hihihi... Er. I mean... Ah, screw it.

_Later, at Spike's place..._

Faith dramatically busts in the door in a move unsurpassed in it's cool factor and stands defiantly in the sunlight.

"Come out, come out wherever you are Spikey." She smirks.

Spike rushes up from his basement and _does_, indeed, gasp in shock.

"Bloody hell! You're beautiful!"

"Er... Thank you." Faith walks in and grabs Spike's throat. "But tell me about the fucking spell or you go bye-bye."

Shaking uncontrollably Spike gulps.

"I've gotta be honest.You're wasting your time if you're fishing round here" He chokes out.

Faith grins.

"You must be mistaken." She tightens her grip on the vampire's neck. "Cuz I'm not fooling. This feeling is real."

"You gotta be crazy!" Spike yelps, almost pissing his pants. "What do you take me for? Some kind of evil dork?"

Sweating like a pig, he decides to take the chicken's way out and kiss some serious ass.

"You've got wits, you've got looks, you've got passion." He smiles weakly. "But I swear that you've got me all wrong."

Faith squeezes a little tighter.

"But you've got me.." Spike squeals. "Look... Slayer... I'll be true, I'll be useful, I'll be cavalier. I'll be yours, my dear!"

Faith, obviously amused, cocks an eyebrow and grins. Spike continues his ass kissage.

"And I'll belong to you... If you'll just let me go." He smiles a sickening smile.

Faith sighs, getting a little tired of the game.

"Look, stalker-boy. _This_." She gestures between them. " This is easy as talking goes. So don't complicate it by hesitating."

She then twirls out her stake and smiles sweetly.

"Now _this_? This is wonderful as slaying goes. This is tailor-made. What's the sense in waiting?"

Spike gulps. Faith then raises her arm, pretending she's about to stake him when suddenly... And I really don't want to write this. But suddenly, she feels weak and her grip loosens around his neck. That bastard Spike takes full advantage of the sudden weakness and pushes Faith away.

"Wh-... What the fuck!" Faith grunts annoyed.

Spike laughs like the annoying fuck he is and advances on my favorite slayer.

"Well well well... Slayer. I don't know what in the bloody hell is going on but apparently I've got myself an unexpected snack."

Faith lays helplessly on the floor and looks up, scared to death. Yeah right. Spike smiles proudly and stands above her.

"Bye bye, Slayer."

Then, Faith's scared look turns into a smirk and she kicks him right in the family jewels. Bastard. Spike falls to the floor groaning.

"Aaaaargghh... Even though your slayer strength seems to have disappeared, your own natural muscle is still incredibly strong!"

Well duh. Faith smiles and kicks him again for measure.

"I'll be back, Billy."

...Or _will _she?


End file.
